What are the languages of love? The phrase “Love Languages” was derived from the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate written in 1995 by Gary Chapman. It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages.”
What are these love languages?
There are 5 love languages. Gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch (intimacy). Which one is your language? Which love language leads your lover to the passage of your heart?
Which love arrow hits the bull’s-eye for you? We all know that we have different ways of approaching people and showing them affection. Some people are more reserved and others are more outgoing and social.
Depending upon your personality type, you certainly will have different methods of showing your love for someone close to you. However, we as humans harbor a lot of love inside us and we will feel frustrated and lost if we don’t let that love out in one form or another.
Let’s find out!
1. Quality Time
The language of quality time is all about providing your lover with undivided attention. You want to get to know your significant other. REALLY know them. You make sure you’re always asking the right questions, delving deeper into their heart, mind and world. You don’t mind getting lost at all!
You’re always ready to cancel other plans and give them time. Be it when they casually wanna walk around in the park or rushing to their aid when they get a flat tire at 4am.
You never put anything or anyone before them. Meeting? Cancel it. You’re sick? Swallow a heap of medicines and rush to your lover. You’re on a phone call with someone else? Hang up. You’re hanging out with friends? Ditch it.
You make sure they know that they have your undivided time, be it at 9am or 9pm. You’re always available and theirs for their taking.
Also, you carefully plan your dates. Making sure the area is a nice place to converse in. You’re keen on places that allow you to study your partner and delve deeper into their personality. You come up with ways and places to spend time with your loved one; it can be either a bench by the lake you wanted to show her on a quiet hang out in bed on a Sunday.
You make them aware of the fact that you’re interested in what they think about and what their existence is about. Also, when a time comes during which you both are out of words, it is not awkward. You bask in their presence and in the beauty and peace of the moment.
You also always make sure your phone and other devices are put away. You rarely ever come up with plans that involve Netflix or anything of the sort because that would mean that your significant other would be getting divided attention. Instead, you prefer to sit quietly and admire the love of your life.
All in all, you make your lover your number 1 priority.
2. Physical Touch (Intimacy)
Physical touch is a raw form of communication between lovers. It may be sexual intercourse or even something as simple as hand holding. You may be able to express love mostly through physical intimacy.
You might feel that words are not enough to speak the higher volumes of love. You’re not afraid to show how much you care, love and want the person. You love loudly and your body announces it!
You make sure that slight graze of your fingers on the small of her back speaks a thousand ‘i love yous’. You’re not shy to hug them often – and tightly – and to brush their hair gently behind their ear and away from their eyes.
You’re keen on touching them often, making them aware of your presence because you want to make them feel safe!
You touch them openly and possessively.
You prefer private and quiet dates during which you can bond on both a physical and personal level. You’re passionate about holding their hand during a movie or giving their thigh a squeeze during a car ride, kissing them goodnight on their foreheads or sharing a warm yet brief kiss before you leave the house.
You sit with your shoulders gently brushing while watching your favourite tv shows and press a kiss to their hair ever so often.
While words can fail, the possibilities of expressing love through touch is limitless! Afterall, actions speak louder than words.
3. Words of Affirmation
Some people just have a way with words, they can stare deep inside your eyes and speak to your soul and salvage some lost pieces of you. They can make you feel vulnerable yet so strong at the same time.
They can create such frenzy inside your body that you can feel them bonding with you at such a deeper level. Their words have the power to make all the sorrow inside you turn to dust. It can be anything, from a single sentence to a long speech. Moreover, when you love someone, their words mean more to you. It’s because the way they make you feel.
Our partner needs to know that they are loved and cared for. They need a tangible proof and sometimes words can be so touching, you don’t need any other testimonial at all.
A study found out that perhaps a human’s deepest need is the need to feel appreciated. You probably want to appreciate and get appreciated. Sometimes secret announcements of love through physical touch can be often overlooked. However, heartfelt compliments can hit quite close to home. If your primary language is affirmation then you are probably very expressive about how you feel about your lover. You are not afraid to pass compliments, dripping with honesty and kindness, out of the blue.
You are keen to be authentic, real and meaningful. You never speak empty words and observe every small detail of their being, to their utmost pleasure. You are not afraid to sound ridiculously cheesy if it makes your partner’s face light up with a sunning smile.
You offer them words of appreciation every chance you get and don’t mind when they laugh and call you corny. Sometimes you don’t need to really be appreciative of someone’s existence, you just need to understand what they are going through and just be there for them and be understanding. Sometimes someone doesn’t want you to tell them that the world is not a cruel place or everything’s going to be alright. Sometimes the only thing they want to hear is that no matter the circumstances, you’ll be there for them.
Your words are a way of expressing how strongly you feel and you fail to hesitate in being as loud as you can about it
You never fail to notice them, be it their accent or a new pair of shoes they got. You avoid meaningless statements such as “you look nice!” and make an effort to notice and appreciate the details. For example, “Wow, that dress compliments your skin tone so much!”, “I love the way you smile, you look so pretty!”, “I love how you always put your phone away when you’re spending time with me, thank you!” or “I just noticed you got a new haircut, it looks amazing on you!”
You’re well aware that these words cost you nothing and earn you your lover’s love and affection and also, even if it did cost the world, you still wouldn’t stop appreciating the blessing that your significant other is!
4. Act of Service
If this is your language, then that means you’re keen on making your partner’s life as easy as you can possibly manage. You go out of your way to please them and put them first. You want to relax and ease them and want to be the source of decrease in their burdens. You want to help them in every way possible and show them how much you care for them. You are not keen on words or gifts because in your opinion, the biggest gift you can provide your spouse with is a helping hand and support. Your determination to put them at ease will make them feel special, loved, taken care of and safe.
By completing their daily needs, you feel content and like a good partner. Also, they do not fail to notice these small actions of love and this leads to a growth in love between the two of you!
For example, you can simply take his clothes out for him while he’s in the shower because you know he’s late for the office. Also, you can pay the WiFi bill so she doesn’t have to do it or just simply wake up early one day to make breakfast instead of her. You can wash the dishes, or do the laundry or take the dog out on a walk that evening when she’s sick. You can go out of your way to fix the tv before he comes home or order her favourite pepperoni pizza before she gets home from her business meeting.
5. Receiving Gifts
From giving, we receive. And that is your love language. Many of us are uncomfortable with receiving because of fear of being labelled a ‘gold digger’ but if you and your partner have a language of gifts. You will always be comfortable in using gifts as a means of communication and love, even if it’s just something small of humorous like photo boxer shorts.
Now, gifts don’t always need to be expensive to mean something. They can be cheap, yet creative. They can cost nothing at all, sometimes! The important bit is the motive behind it and the gesture. The gesture of love.
The point of gifts, for you, is thanking your love for being in your life and also letting them know that they are always on your mind. You’re always constantly thinking of ways to please your partner. Looking for potential gifts every chance you get.
It can a teddy bear because she likes stuffed animals, a shopping spree for her big day, or even a small note in his back pocket that he finds in the middle of a meeting and smiles at the thought of you.
It can be a memento from your first day or just a small ring for them to wear always. Expensive or not, the message is clear; I love you.
So make sure you’re clear about dates of birthdays, events and anniversaries so you can pleasantly surprise your partner with gifts and celebrations because, you may be all they’ve got.
All in all, it’s very essential to share your love with your partner. If you want your partner to feel wanted, just share your type of love with them.